Ok so we can see from my first two posts that I am not perfect.  I realized that long before the boys were born.  I don’t have all of the answers; I’m just trying to figure it out.  Sometimes it is day-by-day; sometimes it is long-term.  Having said this, here is my latest topic of imperfection.

Apparently, I play favorites with my sons.  This is not strictly just for boys, but I have to share my experience.  Frankly, sometimes I don’t know that I am doing it.  It has been called to my attention that I favor the oldest of my twin boys (by one minute), Boy Wonder M.  I tend to coddle him, speak gentler to him, and allow him to get away with more than his “younger” brother, Boy Wonder E (so I’m told).  At first I was in denial.  I fussed and hissed, folded my arms, and said “no way!” It took and still takes many heartfelt conversations to get me to see the truth in it.  Hre is a recent example:

Yesterday was award’s day at my sons’ school.  I knew both were getting some sort of awards, but didn’t know which ones.  Being that the ceremonies were being conducted in their classrooms at the same time, I had to make arrangements to accommodate this.  After the ceremonies were over, Boy Wonder M was very, very upset that he hadn’t received an academic award. (Turns out it was a mistake on the teacher’s part and he was actually on the Honor Roll). He was crying and it was made worse because his brother received the Principal’s Award (more on sibling rivalry later). So, naturally, I wiped his tears and comforted him, murmuring words of encouragement.  As we were leaving, Boy Wonder E got upset about something, teared up, and when I saw him I blurted out, “oh get over it”.  I immediately cringed. 

Is this what I have ben doing all this time?  How often do I do this?  How has it been affecting him?  What will he think of me later?

When you finally see clearly for yourself an enormous shortcoming, it hits you like bricks.  Will I be able to stop myself from doing it in the future if I am unaware that I am doing it?  I like to think that I treat them according to their unique abilities, temperment, and personalities.  But I have seen how my harsh behavior occurs more frequently with Boy Wonder E based on the same or lighter infractions.  I hate the feeling of guilt.  So now it is up to me to become more self-aware and conscious of my actions towards both.  EQUAL and CONSISTENT. I have a feeling that it is going to be a long road ahead but all we can do is try, try, and try again.

Do you think the gender of siblings influences favoritism?