Short post today – the only time the boys do not fight, wrestle, slap, punch, or hurt each other is when they are asleep. And even then they are probably dreaming of it.
March 21, 2012
This post is going to be a brief one. It is centered on sports. Sports for the boys. Sports scare me with potential injuries. Therefore, I have been a little lazy in signing them up for the more aggressive ones. The boys played soccer from the ages of three to five. They were also in a small karate class for a year. As they have grown I have been trying to determine which sports to expose them to for active involvement. They just finished up flag football this past fall. Yes, flag football. Of course one of them wants to play touch football, but I am not ready. I don’t know if I will ever be ready for that. I accidentally missed registration for Little League this spring and have been putting off signing them up for karate again. I don’t want a ball to accidentally hit them in the face, or another child kicking them in the teeth, or being tackled by a kid 100 lbs. heavier with 4 or 5 years more experience.
I know I will have to bite the bullet and get them involved. It is so hard to agree willingly to cringe and cover my face for the next 10 – 15 years, but I will do it. My poor nerves!
More to come….
February 8, 2012
Moms Raising Boys, Raising Boys boys, boys will be boys, brothers, ditches, kids, moms of boys, moms raising boys, raising men, riding bikes, tea party, twin boys, twin girls, twins, waterguns, wrestling match 4 Comments
I would not make a very good mom to girls. I don’t think. I was a girl and an only child. But I was not a princess. I liked rough-housing with my male cousin; climbing on the roof of my grandmother’s house, throwing parts of the shingles at the dog below, riding bikes through mud and ditches, havivng water-whatever fights, spitting spitballs on the ceiling, shooting waterguns in the house, etc. I never got my hair done (still find it a pain), never liked getting my nails done (takes too long), and hated, hated shopping (still only like it if it is for a specific trip only). And I HATE shopping for SHOES! The only pair I have with an actual heel on it are my boots! And my favorite genre in books and movies is HORROR!
I hate the mall. I recognize that I will probably have to take my boys to the mall to hang out (do kids still do that). But I would be in torture having to take twin girls to the mall to shop AND hang out. Besides, I’m ultra aggressive with the boys. I like to pop them in the back of the head and playfully run away. I caught a small snake in a trap a few months ago and couldn’t wait to tell them. I lit a bug on fire this past weekend and wished the boys were there to see it because they would have loved it. (No, I don’t do mammals) Soooo, I think that having boys fits my personality. I couldn’t take being solely responsible for all of the girl behavior that I have or have not exhibitied: crying when happy, sad, or angry; cringing at the slightest hint of a bug, throwing and imaginary tea party, playing school, etc. My demeanor is too abrasive for a girl. I’m used to: “Boy, get in here and pick that up/throw that away; turn off the doggone light….NOW!”; “shut your mouth and go upstairs”, “you’re getting on my nerves with that fighting – I’m about to fight both of you”, “get outside and don’t come in til I tell you”, and “figure it out yourself, I’m not gonna help you.”
I like jumping in a playful wrestling match and dragging a Boy wonder across the floor. I like instigating a superhero battle with action figures. I like hitting one in the head with a snowball and yelling “get over it” to continue the onslaught. I can’t do these things with girls. I don’t do well with extreme sensitivity even though I’m extremely sensitive. I love, love, love my boys!
Nevermind that I cried when I discovered that I was not having a girl seven years ago……
February 1, 2012
I was watching Dr. Phil this afternoon and I teared up. If you didn’t see it, the topic for today was about identical twin boys, 16-years-old, that fight a lot. Now, it is my understanding that siblings fight. Listening to a local radio station, The Bert Show, the host, was describing his sons, 9 and 4 are constantly battling. He posed a question to his audience: what is the worst thing you have ever done to a sibling? The responses were hilarious, although I’m sure at the time the situations weren’t so funny to these individuals.
Soooo, with that being said, siblings fight. But the things these two boys were doing to each other and their parents were atrocious. They smoke illegal drugs, drink, physically attack each other, and disrespect their parents. It almost seemed that they hated each other and it was very sad. At first I was indignant and said to myself that I would never tolerate that behavior (and I absolutely still believe that)! However, as I was watching i realized how broken my heart would be if my boys did those things. I know that there are challenges ahead, but I hope that fundamentally my boys will be boys, not evil demons that I send off to boot camp!
January 29, 2012
I don’t like the word “sissy”. The connotation is anything less than positive. One dilemma I have in raising boys is how to make them “brave” or “fearless” or able to leap tall buildings. Our society dictates that men (boys) should be masculine, not cry, and proactively defend what is theirs. Society dictates that men (boys) should not express themselves openly, discuss their feelings with others (if allowed to have them), or show any type of sensitivity. Well, I do all of those. Now, I’m not saying it is because I am a woman necessarily, but I cry over everything (commercials, bad things happening to kids, putting on my make-up wrong, not being able to find my keys, etc.); I want to talk in-depth about my feelings and emotions, ALL the time, I like to smooch and hold hands, and my feelings can get hurt deeply. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, how am I supposed to raise my boys to be the total opposite of who I am?
So, I put the boys in sports. I did not play sports. But my perspective says that boys play sports, although not all of them do. I’ve been trying not to reach for them when they fall since they were little, but it has gone against my entire constitution to do so. And I have given in frequently to soothe them. How do I tell Boy Wonder M and Boy Wonder E to man up, stop crying, when they see me cry just because I may be happy. But I do it because it is what is expected. I do it so that other boys don’t make fun of them. I do it so that they “fit in”. I am harsher with them because they are boys, and sometimes I feel guilty.
However, I hope to accept them for who they become as they grow. I want to know what my sons think and feel because they are people. At 7, they aren’t fully aware of all of society’s expectations. So while I fuss and nag and get irritated and lose my patience (and energy), I want them to know that their feelings count. If no one else cares about them, or if society gives them a hard time, I want them to know that their mom does care and always will. I will continue to foster open communication, will learn to take my cues from them as they get older for sharing, and validate that their thoughts, emotions, and feelings count and are legitimate.
Sometimes as a mom I think that boys have a hard emotional ride ahead of them where they have to stifle their true beings, and sometimes I don’t think it’s fair. Therefore, I want to be the sponge that absorbs all of their information and revelations, and the one that they can turn to, with no penalties to let their guard down. I will try to remember this the next time they are talking over each other to get their stories across to me and I brush them off….
Do you ever feel conflicted?